The bad news is today's blog is mildly stupid.
The good news is it isn't as stupid as the idea of what an imaginary Rugby World Cup would look like, which was my original idea. If five people tell me they want to see that, then I'll know that five people reading this are sadists who want to torture other people. And me.
So instead I'm going to talk about what tasty alcoholic beverage certain Fantasy series would be. This idea is all thanks to a question I saw at least a year ago from a guy called Stephen Warren on twitter - it's stuck with me this long.
The list has been constructed with the aid of my lovely wife, a certified cicerone and veteran of the bar industry. Between us we know a lot about alcohol. Who knows? Maybe reading them would go better while drinking said type of beverage. If anyone tries it, let me know. So with no further ado...
Lord of the Rings - Traditional. English - very English. Not a complex or high alcohol drink but one with hidden depths and an interplay of sweet and bitter. There's a certain reassuring warming sense to it. It's tempting to suggest Mulled Wine or Cider but I'm going to suggest that the beer that matches it best is the British Brown Ale, with its blend of sweet toffee-caramel and nutty-toasted notes. To my mind, that captures Lord of the Rings' mix of sorrow and tragedy, triumph and wit.
Discworld - From traditional to traditional, radical, crazy and giggling all at once. So, we need a mix of something traditional and crazy; cocktails seem obvious to me. Bonus points for having an obvious sweetness to them amid all the sourness and bitterness and also for getting you smashed. The alcoholic base? I think cider brandy (or calvados) is obvious as the closest relation to scumble fit to feed to non-Oggs and a great base in its own right. But something that I think would work really well is Ice Cider, the apple's answer to sherry. There's some interesting ideas here and here but if I were to start somewhere myself, I'd be looking for some rye whiskey and bitters to try and get the right level of crazy flavours going.
Deverry - Katherine Kerr's celtic-inspired tale of savagery, reincarnation and understanding seems to be screaming out for mead doesn't it? Just gotta be. But although it makes sense, it doesn't quite fit to my mind. Most meads are a little too sweet to match what Kerr serves up. Sure, not every mead has that full on sweetness, but many do. So, one could use a barrel-aged mead, but I think it's better to use an adaption of the drink like the Braggot, a drink that's made from a mix of honey and barley. That adds the bitter notes the honey drink needs to fit the Deverry Cycle.
Sol's Harvest - Talking of bitter and savagery, MD Presley's Sol's Harvest series has a rather hard-hitting take on fantasy without going so far as to overwhelm. Indeed, there's even a rather refreshing feel to it at the ending; heavy on the bitterness, heavy on the redemption. And there's one drink that fits that very well - the IPA. In particular I'm thinking something West Coast - something piney and hop forwards, rather than a more fruity New England style.
The First Law - Escalating up and onwards in terms of confrontation and idiosyncrasy to Abercrombie's work. We're looking for a drink here that stands apart from its style; that shares its qualities but filters them through a deliberately harsh filter. And to me, there is only one thing that can be - the whiskeys of Islay. They take the smoky, peaty qualities of Scotch and turn it from an accent to a bomb. Does that not sound like Abercrombie?
Heralds of Valdemar - Let us take it down a notch and deal with something a bit more friendly, shall we? Its still got a certain divisive quality to it, but in a different way. The Heralds of Valdemar series is known for its bright shining heroics, its sense of right and determination to represent everyone. My answer to that? Fruit cider. Sure, some people give it a hard time for being overly sweet and lacking the complexity of other alcoholic drinks. But it is delicious and gives every fruit a chance to shine. Strawberry & lime? Kiwi & Passionfruit? Pineapple? It's all possible.
Temeraire - From a very wide choice to a very specific one. For Novik's Temeraire series the obvious thing to do was something involving rum. Partly that's because Navy, duh. But it's also because rum is fun and so is Temeraire. Why has there never been an advertising slogan for rum is fun? But it's not a straight rum series. It needs mixed. Rum and coke? Doesn't feel right. But Dark N' Stormy? That works to me. Rum for Laurence, ginger (beer) for Temeraire. Allusive, tasty and fun. This is my best one yet.
The Wounded Kingdoms - The Wounded Kingdoms is your daddy's Epic Fantasy after spending years getting high on the universe, despair, and Gothic music. There is a hallucinogenic quality to it, fuelled by decay and beauty alike. And to me that screams barleywine, largely because a lot of the same thoughts go through my head when I start to drink it. The beauty at least. The despair and decay tends to come later.
Empire of Sand - Judging from Tasha Suri's twitter feed the correct answer to this is tea. So drink tea. But I am also going with a fairly strict alcohol policy on this, so I need to give an alcoholic answer too. And I actually selected this book because I thought it measured a type of alcohol I wanted to include, and that is the Imperial Stout; in particular, the sweet adjunct varieties. What I love about these sort of beers is they've got a mix of punch you in the face and straight up deliciousness, married together by complexity and decadence. Empire of Sand (which is one of those books that has grown in my memory) is marked by a mix of punchy emotional brutality and sweet sentimental moments, ornate prose and complicated questions. That works well enough for me.
So there we go. My Fellowship of the Booze.
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